NORMA
I warn you, she was just starting to explain the new painting.
JAKE
I’d better hurry. I don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t
understand it.
NORMA
(She is methodically preparing her
drink—rubbing a glass rim with lemon peel, filling the glass with ice, and
gently pouring the Dewars as she speaks.) She explained it to
me, very carefully, very thoroughly, and I understand it less than when she
began.
LARRY
We’ve got two
more by the same artist upstairs.
NORMA
You’re kidding!
LARRY
No, to tell you
the truth, Norma, I like them very much.
NORMA
You’re kidding!
But what are they?
LARRY
Laura says they
are the vanguard of a new school that she has labeled California Expressionism.
NORMA
She said that and
I nodded but I don’t pretend to understand what that means.
LARRY
Well, I think the
nickel definition is that the paintings depict the bright overbelly of
contemporary society instead of the dark underbelly German Expressionism tried
to get a handle on.
NORMA
Well, they
certainly are very colorful without being terribly cheerful. I’ve never seen
such provocative thighs. I’d have
thought the artist was a woman.
LARRY
She is.
NORMA
She said they
were by Mack.
LARRY
They are.
MAC. Initials. I can’t remember what
they stand for.
NORMA
I’ll look it up.
Now that I see it wasn’t painted by a man I find it psychologically less
disturbing.
LARRY
Whoa! Are you
saying what’s disturbing in male art is psychologically more acceptable coming
from a woman?
NORMA
Of course! What
comes out of the artist’s brush is really coming from the artist’s brain. Thighs like that painted by a woman are about
empowerment, not objectification.
LARRY
So the Mona Lisa
would mean something else if painted by a woman?
NORMA
Naturally! And if
the experts who believe that Mona is really da Vinci painting himself as a
young, beautiful woman, then the mysterious smile would certainly mean
something different if painted by anyone else.
LARRY
Which reminds me.
Apparently congratulations are in
order.
NORMA
(Sadly) He told you. Already.
LARRY
Sure. Anything wrong with that?
NORMA
He tells
everyone! In this terribly bright,
terribly odd voice. I wish he’d get over it.
LARRY
Get over it?
NORMA
Oh, I know he’s
hurt. He doesn’t get that in my case at least it’s mostly political. And cheap.
A pat on the head instead of a raise for a job well done.
LARRY
What did you
mean, in your case?
NORMA
Well, first of
all I’ve accidentally wandered into the pop sciences du jour—brain science and
gender difference all rolled into one.
And this year it was Arts and Science’s “turn” to name someone and my
dean would really like to prove he’s not the sexist old poop he is, so he
nominated me. And because no one has really ever considered me a particularly
serious scientist none of my colleagues’ noses was put out of joint because
they figured I was a teaching token. No one except poor old Jacob, that is.
LARRY
Why don’t you
tell him all this!
NORMA
I have! He thinks
I’m just trying to make him feel better.
LARRY
And are you?
NORMA
Of course! But
it’s also true. It just is so ironic that my getting an award that he’s never
given two hoots about is suddenly driving him crazy. You know, shoring up the
male ego doesn’t get any easier over time. I think it’s because you peak so
early sexually.
LARRY
You’re kidding
aren’t you?
NORMA
Only two kinds of
women, kiddo. Ball busters and
shorer-uppers. And sometimes I think we
shorer-uppers do more damage than the ball busters.
LARRY
What do you mean?
NORMA
Well the ball
busters don’t really do much damage to a healthy male ego. You look at her and
think “bitch” or “cunt,” dismiss her and move on. But shorer-uppers seem to be
sending the subtextual message that you need shoring up. That you must, in
fact, be damaged. As a result the subject of the up-shoring is significantly
diminished by the very strategy aimed at the opposite.
LARRY
(His smile is
large and genuine.) So what’s the
answer?
NORMA
I’m seriously
considering saying to him, “OK, buddy, this award means that I have been
definitively proved to be the superior scientist. Accept it and move on.”
LARRY
And the result?
NORMA
Well, if I said
that out loud I hope he’d recognize it as utter bullshit, laugh and get over
it.
LARRY
So why don’t you
do that.
NORMA
I might recommend
that to a client if I had a practice, but I’m too close to Jake. I’m really not
certain that in his present frame of mind he wouldn’t just believe me and
internalize his feelings of inadequacy even further. The truth is, Larry, we
are all damaged. We all need all the
help we can get.
LARRY
What if he really
is inadequate?
NORMA
Don’t be an
idiot! He’s a brilliant scientist going through a bad patch. He needs a new
research subject but he’s afraid it’s too late to start over. And it isn’t.
He’s smarter and better than when he started. But beginning over at our age is
really scary.
LARRY
God! That’s for
sure.
NORMA
A century ago
most of us would be already dead or at least sitting in God’s waiting
room. Today people in our demographic
could be looking at another thirty or forty years. We’re the first generation
who had better take seriously the prospect of a second act. Of course we also know, unfortunately, that
we could also be dead tomorrow. Well, I think that’s my hour. I’d better make
room for the next patient.
LARRY
(Startled.)
What?
NORMA
Oh, please! You
must notice that every time we come here, Laura stays in the living room until
you ring the gong and each of us take turns coming to visit the Great and
Powerful Oz.
LARRY
What!?
NORMA
I’m sorry. That’s
not fair. You’re like a really good psychologist. You elicit maximum
information with minimum encouragement and you never judge. You’re the best
listener I know.
LARRY
I know you mean
that as a compliment but does it occur to you that all you’ve really said is
that I’m not a very interesting conversationalist.
NORMA
Oh, don’t be
silly. Pontificating is easy. Give me a sensitive and attentive listener every
time. OK. I’m going upstairs to find more Art by MAC.
LARRY
Look in the guest
bedroom and the master bathroom.
NORMA
The bathroom?
LARRY
What can I say?
The whole house is filled with overflow from Laura’s gallery. We’re the annex. You should see the garage.
NORMA
You’re kidding.
LARRY
Yeah, I am.
NORMA
(Taking another little splash of Dewar’s) Well, I’m outta here. See you over the first course. (She
exits.)
(Larry is briefly alone. He takes a clean spoon to taste the risotto
and ladles more broth into the pot.
Barbara enters, runs around the counter, puts her arms around Larry’s head
and pulls down.)
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