First Fifty Club--Installment #1

 The Last Meeting of

The First Fifty Club

By:

Gerardine Clark

Setting: The large kitchen/casual dining area of a large modern home, the patio in front of it and the walkways on either side of the house. The dining area is SL. The table, which runs from left to right, is beautifully but unostentatiously set for six. The kitchen area is located USR to C almost completely surrounded by appliances and counters except for an walk-through on the Dr corner. The stove should be located in the downstage counter area so the chef is facing downstage when he cooks. There is a drinks table  in the DR corner of the kitchen. It holds an oddly assorted set of offerings--a bottle of good red wine, already open, a quart of Dewar's, a quart of Maker's Mark, lemon peel, an ice bucket and tongs, two rocks glasses, a Pilsener glass, and a martini glass. An enormous tray of various appetizers, including mixed nuts, cheese straws, and crudités. Four stools are located on two sides of the kitchen area. Immediately to SL of the cooking area is a swinging door leading to the front of the house. DL is a door in the side wall leading out onto the patio.

Characters:

Larry Daniels  the first of his friends to turn fifty
Laura Daniels
Barbara (Bunny) Crane
Andy Crane
Norma Solomon
Jake Solomon

ACT ONE, Scene One

Larry and Laura are in the kitchen. James Taylor's Greatest Hits album is playing softly on the downstairs speakers. Larry is standing at the stove, where broth for the risotto he is about to prepare is warming. He is wearing an ironed, unstained pin-striped apron.  All the ingredients for Rissotto con Aparege are arranged on the counter to his left except for the asparagus which he has just blanched.  As the lights come up he takes the steaming pot to the sink to drain the asparagus in a colander. Steam swirls up around his face. He is smiling. During the course of the first scene he prepares the recipe which takes approximately 40 minutes. He drinks occasionally from a large bottle of Pellegrino--this is all he drinks until the toast at the dinner table. The recipe is included at the end of the play. Laura is at the table trying to complete swan-folds on the napkins. She refers occasionally to printed directions, culled from the internet. She has a large glass of red wine from which she occasionally sips. It is her first glass but not her last.  She is a handsome woman, especially for one rapidly closing in on fifty.  She is not smiling.

LARRY

(Tasting one of the asparagus stalks.) Mm. Mm. Mmmmmm. Perfect! 

LAURA

Naturally.

LARRY

What?

LAURA

I just mean that you always organize your dinners like a . . . you're doing brain surgery.  No tolerance for error. If the asparagus weren't perfect you'd have already started blanching the back-up bunch in the fridge. But you never need it, do you? Every time you make Risotto con Asparege we have braised asparagus the next day.

LARRY

Do I make the risotto too often?

LAURA

No, Larry! Probably not more than twice a year--I just mean you don't cook anything for the club that you don't cook perfectly.

LARRY

What are you doing?

LAURA

Setting the table. What? Didn't I finish all my sous chef duties?

LARRY

No, I mean why are you doing that to the napkins? 

LAURA

I thought I'd try to do something a little  . . . make a personal contribution to the occasion.

LARRY

Lor?

LAURA

Kidding! (Pause.) I'm just nervous. I want something to do with my hands till they come to keep from wanting to smoke. 

LARRY

You still want . . .

LAURA

Yes! Even after two years. I will always want . . . When the doctor tells me I have terminal lung cancer I will go the grocery, and get five cartons. Nothing left to lose.

LARRY

But why swans?

LAURA

I saw this on one of those food network things. I Googled napkin folding and do

you know that ten pages came up? I got this from the website of the Guild of Professional Butlers.  Do you believe that?  Not only are there still professional butlers, but they have a guild and a website.

LARRY

Lor?

LAURA

I'm sorry! I know I'm chattering. Or should that be nattering? Or wittering?

LARRY

Lor!

LAURA

All right! I wish we weren't doing this! I wish we had skipped this month. It's going to be weird. I mean, Rachel was the only one I ever felt particularly close to. I know we couldn't invite her without Rob. Or Rob without her. And we certainly couldn't invite her and Rob. 

LARRY

Didn't you go to lunch with her just the other day? 

LAURA

No, I know. I saw her Wednesday. At Regalbuto's.

LARRY

How was it?

LAURA

The house merlot was slightly corked and the pasta was not al dente.

LARRY

That's not what I  . . .

LAURA

I know, I know. I couldn't tell. She's talking a good game. She got her hair cut. REAL short. She's thinking of getting a tattoo. Or going back to college.  She says Dr. Phil advises making this a growth opportunity”. But she drank a double Scotch at lunch and her eyes were red when she came back from the john.

LARRY

Did she say anything about . . .

LAURA

The son-of-a- biscuit eater?

LARRY

What?

LAURA

That's what she calls Rob now.You know she doesn't swear--that's the closest I've ever heard her come.  Have you talked to him?

LARRY

No.

LAURA

Really?

LARRY

Men do not confide embarrassing secrets or depend on each other for consolation.

LAURA

Oh, I see. Then you didn't know that he . . .

LARRY

Had a new . . . interest?

LAURA

Yes.

LARRY

No!  Do you really think I wouldn't have told you?

LAURA

Like you tell me all your secrets. (Pause.) Larry gives her a brief glance and turns away.)  To be fair, if it were Rachel doing it I wouldn't have told you.

LARRY

What's this? Some esoteric female loyalty code I've never heard of? You like to say you always tell me everything.

LAURA

Everything that concerns you. That's part of the marriage contract. However, if she . . . had a new interest . .  . I'd hope that it would pass--she'd come to her senses and everything could go back to being the way it was.  If I told you there wouldn't have been any going back.

LARRY

Why? Do you think I'd tell him? 

LAURA

No, but if you had known, every time you saw her she would see it on your face. Even if they stayed together they'd have had to leave the club. She couldn't have faced your face month after month.

LARRY

Why do you keep calling us a club?

LAURA

You'd prefer alliance or  . . . guild?

LARRY

You're still learning a word a day, aren't you.

LAURA

I like the illusion of progress. OK, OK. Of course we're a club. We have monthly meetings. We belong to the same demographics.  We were approximately the same ages when the Vietnam War ended and Elvis and John Lennon died.  We made love when we were young to the same music Their Golden Oldies are our Golden Oldies. We are, in many ways, closer than siblings. We enjoy each other's jokes. We give each other the illusion of belonging to a community.  I

LARRY

Illusion?

LAURA

Well, it's not a real community. We come from different parts of the country, have no births or deaths in common except celebrities'. We're a club of aging urban expatriates.  We like each other, but we don't love each other. If one of us dies, or gets divorced or is transferred to another city we will be briefly sad and regretful but soon we'll find replacements to round out our numbers. Of course it goes without saying that we're a couples club.  If one goes, both go, whether they want to or not.

LARRY

And we're back to Rachel. Maybe if they do . . . stay apart, we could invite her to come with a friend. 

LAURA

And what about him and his friend?

LARRY

I don't think that would be possible. Too uncomfortable.

LAURA

Because he was part of a different “them” and it was his “fault”? Well, even if she didn't leave him, it would be just as uncomfortable. Because it might be catching. No one wants to be reminded of how fragile relationships are.

LARRY

Come on! You don't really believe that!

LAURA

Yes, Larry, I do! And growing more brittle with age. Two months ago they were just like us. If someone had asked if it could happen to them we would have laughed. Now we can't. That's why I'm folding napkins. I wanted to do something to deemphasize the fact that there's one less leaf in the table this month. Oh, screw this! I'm never going to fold six napkins that look remotely like swans. This one's more like a ruptured duck.  Where does that expression come from?  What does it mean?

LARRY

I haven't a clue. Listen, Lor, I think there's something I think I should tell you before they get here. (Doorbell sounds).

LAURA

Saved by the bell. (Pause.) And so it begins! (She starts to leave.) 

LARRY

You told them no presents, didn't you?

LAURA

Of course, but given the event I wouldn't count on Andy to pay attention. You know he can't pass up the opportunity for a good gag gift. (She leaves through the swinging doors.)